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she's on fire ; and not in a good way's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
she's on fire ; and not in a good way

[ website | QB.net !!! ]
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ANNOUNCEMENT! [20 Jul 2003|05:36pm]
hello, livejournal-ers. i don't know who still reads this.. it's a rather old journal. but, as of right now, i have the following livejournals registered in my name:


i'd really like to just.. get rid of all of these and stick to one journal. who knows why i had so many to begin with. but, at any rate, i think that i'm going to be using absolutism as my journal from this point forth. so.. if you'd like to add me, please do. you are certainly more than welcome. if you could, please delete any other livejournal names of mine from your friends lists. i'm sure you don't want the extra clutter.

thank you. ;)

7 comments|post comment

[24 Aug 2002|03:37am]
so does anyone wanna hook me up with a style for my livejournal? the other one, that is. i need it. badly. because i suck. HELP.
6 comments|post comment

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO STILL READ THIS; [13 Aug 2002|12:06pm]
[ mood | desperate. :D ]

and know your way around HTML:

violentized.com is in danger of disappearing in the near future, if i don't decide to take it. i do want it, but my computer sucks and i have no way to take care of the site. FTP is about all my harddrive can handle. other than that, i've got NOTHING in the way of graphics programs except.. MS Paint.

so, my question is: to any of you who have the time and feel like you'd like to help me out-- wanna make a layout for me?

x. i don't care what it looks like, as long as it looks good.
x. as far as color schemes go i like to keep it to a 2 or 3 maximum but that's negotiable.
x. i don't really have a theme in mind. this goes along with not caring what it looks like. i would like to steer away from darker colors and do something with like.. yellow and red. you know. bright and abrasive. heh.

i will do almost ANYTHING in return. burn CDs, make mixtapes, whatever.

thank you SO much. email or IM me at: kisskilldead@aol.com.

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[16 Jul 2002|01:25am]
i knew you bastards would wear me down.

1 comment|post comment

one final note; [15 Jul 2002|11:17am]
i have a new journal. i don't know if i'll stop writing in this one, but the possibility is great.

you can comment, or email me, and let me know if you'd like to know what the new journal is

but that's not a guarantee that i'll tell you.
7 comments|post comment

dear Katie; [15 Jul 2002|07:57am]
i only complain to you because

believe me

i trust you with it.

and i know that what people say and what people mean are sometimes two different things (more often than not)

but if you ever want me to shut up
please just tell me and i promise that i'll do it

because i don't want to be the friend that only talks to you to complain. :\
1 comment|post comment

[15 Jul 2002|07:44am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

it makes me happy when


get over it.
or maybe i'm just too high strung and maybe i need to just take a break from EVERYONE and don't get me wrong but i'd rather hang out with my crackhead friends than you. at the moment, at least.

my cat bit my hand yesterday and when i woke up just now, the wound had turned into.. an infected wound! lovely, yes? perhaps it will turn gangrenous and the infection will travel up my fucking arm and into my brain and i can stop thinking about everything that i think about that frustrates and stresses me so.

to dream.

just for tonite, the sun still sleeps-- and when she wakes,you'll be a memory.

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[14 Jul 2002|02:28pm]
[ mood | gush. ]


The Wedding Singer was SO. FUCKING. CUTE.


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falling wasn't true.. ; [14 Jul 2002|11:19am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

1. full name: Rebecca Gail Smith
2. age: old enough.
3. Where do you live: Eagle Lake, FL
4. height: like.. 5'4", 5'5"
5. eye color: blue
6. hair color: red
7. do you play sports? i surf the net. harhar.
8. do you have any piercings? ears. that's all.
9. do you have any tattoos? August 9.
10. are you single? yes. thank God.
If you had to choose between...
1. hot/cold: cold.
2. night/day: nite.
3. black/white: probably black.
4. quiet/loud: eh..
5. fast/slow: who cares.
6. hard/soft: ..
7. guys/girls: who cares.
8. music/tv: i enjoy both on a daily basis.
9. chat/ims: IMs.
10. friends/your bf or gf: NEITHER.

1. music: metalcore, hardcore, rap, industrial, goth, punk, and uh.. 'classics.'
2. movie: The Nightmare Before Christmas.
3. sports to watch: golf.
4. sports to play: none.
5. color to wear: black and red.
6. family member: my mom, and Georgia.
7. month: October.
8. tv show: Emeril Live, Real World, Oliver's Twist (damn, i love the food network).. uh. Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
9. subject: English, History, or Psychology.
10. friend:
For people who like girls ... I'm changing this to guys.. Thank you very much.<- Kasey, wtf are you talking about. i am labeling this section 'for people who like boys.'
1. eye color: who cares.
2. hair color: dark.
3. good boy/bad boy: Jesus, please send me a retard who can't behave in public.. yeah, right. neither.
5. long hair or short hair: i don't guess it matters.
6. piercings or none: that depends.
7. preppy or ghetto: don't really care..
8. tatoos or none: LOTS OF TATTOOS. nice ones.
9. shorter or taller than you: taller.
10. shy or wild: either.

Just answer them...
1. if you could live anywhere where wold it be: a hole in the ground.
2. what is the most annoying thing ever: punk kids.
3. whats one of your worst qualities: sarcasm.
4. what do you like best about yourself physically: my hair is fucking cute.
5. what do you look for in a bf:
6. who do you tell your dreams to: no one.
7. who knows more about you than anyone else: me.
8. if you could have one wish what would it be: people would learn how to drive.
9. what are you thinking about right now: how i LOVE underoath, and i can't wait to see them again, and also how i hate boys, and most girls, and wish that a lot of them wouldn't ever speak to me again.
10. if you could have one special ability (the power to fly, see through
walls, etc.) what would it be and why?: i'd be psychic. that way, i wouldn't have to go through the BULLSHIT of trying to find out what people really think about me because no one fucking knows how to be honest. i'd just know.
Personal questions...
1. what is the 1st physical thing you notice about members of the oposite/same sex: eh. if they have tattoos or not.
2.what is the most embarassing thing thats ever happened to you: i don't know.
3. whats the wildest thing you have ever done: i dunno.
4. what is your fantasy: i dunno.
5. are you a virgin: yes.
6. whats the worst thing you have ever done and gotten away with: ... gone to Derrick's until 4am? 7. what do you dream about: sade and then sometimes of me being angry
8. whats your biggest secret: i'm really a man.
9. if you could be with one person of the oposite sex now who would it be: ... i refuse to answer this, to save myself the embarrassment of REPEATING IT.
10. what would you be doing with the person in question: touring? haha.

-last book you read: "Everything's Eventual" by Stephen King.
- last movie you saw: the last movie i saw that i'd never seen before was 'From Hell.' which i'm not a big fan of.
-Last movie you saw on the big screen: Scooby Doo. heh.
- last phone number you called: ... i do not know.
- last show you watched on TV: MTV movie awards.
- last song you heard: the last complete song was underoath, 'short of daybreak.' ... 'alone in december' just started. this might be my new favorite song.
- last thing you had to drink: cherry coke.
- last thing you ate: chips.
- last time you showered: this morning.
- last time you cried: who knows.
- last time you smiled: days.
- last time you laughed: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. 'cos DAMN, DO I LOVE JASON LEE.
- last person you hugged: i don't know. it was a while ago.
- last person you kissed: ...
- last thing you said: Savanna, get off of the computer before i'm forced to hurt you.
- last person you talked to online: Kenny.
- last person you talked to on the phone: my mom.
- last thing you smelled: hairspray. har.

Do you...
- smoke?: sXe
- do drugs?: sXe
- drink?: sXe
- have sex?: sXe
- sleep with stuffed animals?: yes.
- have a crush? i wouldn't call it that.
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no.
- have a dream that keeps coming back?: do you mean like, the one where i'm awake but i can't move and can't breathe? yes.
- play an instrument?: some guitar, bass, bass guitar, violin, cello, piano..
- believe there is life on other planets?: who cares.
- read the newspaper?: sometimes.
- have any gay or lesbian friends?: .. Chele. <3 <3 <3. I MISS YOU. GET ONLINE, WHORE.
- believe in miracles?: i'll believe it when i see it.
- believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes.
- consider yourself tolerant of others?: nope.
- consider police a friend or foe?: that's like. 'do you consider people in general a friend or a foe?' i guess you can consider cops a foe if you're a fucking retard like some people i know that do shit just to get in trouble, and then get pissed off when they DO get in trouble. like. 'look at me, i'm so punk.' ugh. i hate punk kids. i don't know anyone that hasn't gotten into trouble with the cops that hates cops. and therefore, i am forced to believe that it is only the idiots who have gotten into trouble with the police doing something that they perhaps believe should be a constitutionally protected activity (like setting off firecrackers in a crowded public area where just such a thing is strictly prohibited) that hate cops for being assholes.
- like the taste of alcohol?: yes.
- have a favourite Stooge?: ...
- believe in astrology?: that shit's freaky, sometimes.
- believe in magic?: nope.
- pray?: not as often as i should.
- go to church?: no.
- have any secrets?: a little one.
- have any pets?: yes.
- go to or plan to go to college?: yes.
- have a degree?: diploma.
- talk to strangers who instant message you?: no one IMs me, stranger or otherwise.
- wear hats?: bandana.
- have any piercings?: is this survey fucking retarded?
- have any tattoos?: i think it is.
- hate yourself?: who doesn't, sometimes.
- have a "hot spot"?: stimulate my brain.
- wish on stars?: no.
- like your handwriting?: who worries about this.
- have any bad habits?: yes.
- believe in witches?: no.
- believe in Satan?: yes.
- believe in ghosts?: yes.
- believe in Santa?: no.
- believe in the Easter Bunny?: no.
- believe in the Tooth Fairy?: no.
- have a second family?: no.
- trust others easily?: no.
- like sarcasm?: only when i use it.
- take walks in the rain?: sure.
- kiss with your eyes closed?: ...
- sing in the shower?: not usually.

ok. fuck that.

i rip out my heart to give to you. alone it never did me any good. hold me close, wash my mind. destroy the me that lives inside.

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this could be the most beautiful song i've ever heard; [14 Jul 2002|12:45am]
you always amazed me but that's the past. i kept silent and it rained for days. my insides were drenched but i guess that's the part of growing up i never wanted to learn. and i grew into the man that you never knew but i wouldn't be this way if it wasn't for you. 100 thank you's. fairy tales never came true. judies are black in full bloom and i died in the womb. take it back, all that's gone.. it's all still there like you left it. december stayed the same, nothing ever changed but you. every dream covered in dents. love can't fly tonite. couples will rest, i'll be sleepless. so cry yourself to sleep. this is about broken hearts. this is about me bending again for nothing. i'd run to you but pain awaits. i'm coming home but i'll be late. no deeper than imagination can be, sight with nothing to see. what's faith if i can't believe? it's everything. a cure, but i make it a disease. God, take me because i hate me.
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if my driving doesn't kill me; [14 Jul 2002|12:03am]
[ mood | angry ]

then my little sister will. she is the ONLY reason that i want to move out of my house. the only one.

so what if i was like that when i was 13? she does shit JUST beacuse she knows it will piss someone off. and i'm tired of it. she's fucking grounded from the computer, and for a good reason, and yet every damn time i come in here she's online. give me a break. she's like 'mom doesn't say anything' but that's because everytime my mom walks into the room Savanna shuts off IE and gets out of yahoo or whatever the fuck it is she uses, so my mom never knows. fuck that. i have to sit here with her all day, not doing a DAMN thing, and i'm saying that she's grounded until she can get her shit together.

and it's like. i TRY to be nice to her. i take her places with me.. i just don't want her hanging out with my friends. we're all like.. what. 17, 18, 19? not the people she needs to be around, that's for sure. i know that -i- set a good example, but the rest of my friends aren't exactly people i want her to take a lead from. and that's my fault. fuck. i hardly ever 'go out' anymore but.. yeah. when i do, i'm not taking her with me. especially not after all of the shit that she gives me when i ask her to do stuff for me around the house.

she's 13. she needs to have at least a few friends of her own. contrary to whoever's belief, i DID have friends when i was 13, and i did NOT spend all of my time on the damn computer. she's an immature little brat. she can't stand it when she doesn't get her way, and my parents let her do shit like that, and i won't put up with it.

and what's more, it makes my mom feel like SHIT that she can't control her 13 year old. because Savanna honestly does not give a damn about what any of her words or actions make anyone feel like. and that's something else i'm not going to deal with. i make an effort to not fight with my mom and dad, because they are the most awesome parents in the world, but all Savanna ever does is CAUSE EVERYONE A LOT OF FUCKING GRIEF.F SKJ;LDSAKFJA;DSKFLJAS;LDKFJDS.

i am so angry right now.

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new cd's; [13 Jul 2002|02:07pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

underoath- the changing of times
american nightmare- background music
eighteen visions- until the ink runs out


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do you know; [13 Jul 2002|12:03am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

this pisses me the FUCK off.

i have my heart set on this tattoo. i went to the shop today, to find out about it.. $240. i know, that's an assload of money. but i'll be doing it in payments. $120 each time.. i don't think that's so bad. now, i'm rethinking this tattoo thing alltogether. the Nightmare one is going to be SO huge. which, i'm not afraid of. and yeah, i'm nervous that it's going to hurt a bunch. but who cares, i can handle it. it's just that i really think i want to do something smaller for my first one. it's cliche, and a million people probably have it, but i'm thinking i want like.. a little star, then 'straightedge' in some kind of script, ended with another little star.. kind of curving over my neck, in the back. but i don't know if i want to get it on my back. i just don't know where else to get it.

i guess i just have to sleep on it. heh. a tattoo just.. shouldn't have to 'grow' on you. it's not something that you get used to. you either want it and get it, or don't want it and don't get it.

blah. maybe i'm just being a baby about my nightmare.

but hey. it's only $120. it depends. we'll see how much money i have once the day gets closer.


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money sucks; [12 Jul 2002|02:56pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

and so do Spanish keyboards. which is what i´m typing on right now. because i´m at the library. because my computer at home is.. broken, again. no big surprise. i don´t understand how it keeps fucking up but it won´t boot up past the ´windows´ blue cloud screen. so. whatever. my dad is coming home tonite and he´ll fix it, then yell at me for screwing it up. who cares.

i´m sorry to inform you that i do not feel for you in the way that i thought i did. maybe you should just forget me. i´ll never be able to make up my mind. and don´t say "i love you" anymore.. it makes me uncomfortable.

i had to work the day before yesterday and as soon as i came home, my cousin in Orlando called and asked if i´d like to drive over to stay the nite. so i did. no computer. i spent all of my time burning CDs and eating homemade pizza. the next day was spent making Georgia´s birthday cake, and then driving home... and then i went to Tyler´s to watch movies or something. i didn´t come home until 4 am, where i was informed that the computer is effed. again. so whatev.

i went to the tattoo shop today. $240 for my piece. i figured it would have to be bigger because of all of the detail.. but it has to be MUCH bigger. i´m ok with that. it´s going to be hott, i think. i´m going to get all the black and shading done at one time, and then go back about three weeks later to get the rest done. i´m already nervous, i think.

what i´m really nervous about is money. warped tour, tattoo, car payment, my Jack doll.. feh.

i´m leaving.

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... ; [10 Jul 2002|08:32am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

i need to go get ready for work. but i'm lacking the motivation, due to the fact that Kenny kept me on the phone until 2:00 this morning.

well. he didn't have a gun to my head. (i almost typed 'fun.' OH NO. PLEASE, DO NOT PUT THE FUN TO MY HEAD. I'LL DO ANYTHING.)

i'm so tired. it's like.. sometimes, you sleep, and you think that the sleep takes more out of you than it puts in. i feel like i took a 4 mile hike while i was passed out.

anyhow. ... work is gonna suck. remind me to take a book.

and in other news?:

i'm not too sure how i feel about all of this.

1 comment|post comment

[09 Jul 2002|05:38pm]
More About Springheeled Jack

Springheeled Jack
Jack was first spotted in London in 1837 and terrorized the city for 67 years. He would usually attack young women, ripping their clothes off with his clawed hands and spitting blue fire in their faces. He was about 6 feet tall, spindly, and wore a tight white bodysuit and a metal helmet, and sometimes a cape. He had pointy ears and glowing red eyes. The most poigniant thing that haunted more of his victims was his really crazy, ringing laugh

dude, i thought that was just made up..
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[09 Jul 2002|05:26pm]
[ mood | amused ]

What Spooky Being are You?

More About the Mad Gasser

The Mad Gasser of Mattoon is a tall bulky or sometimes lanky figure who poisoned the town of Mattoon, Illinois with poisonous gas in the summer nights of 1944.

Few people actually saw the gasser, but many people who did claimed it was as though it was a large woman trying to pose as a man. High-heeled shoe prints were found outside of a gassed home.

Sceptics and officials just complained that the gassings never happened and that it was all just mass hysteria, and so never really bothered to investigate really hard. Don't ask me what is so paranormal about a butch lady in man's clothes gassing some people, but it's listed in a bunch of paranormal books anyways ^-^; Maybe it's because It was never really seen very closely, and the gas it used was never able to be identified?

Gassing incidents such as this have happened elsewhere
also, but this is probably the most publicised.

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cuddle it up, beetch; [09 Jul 2002|05:04pm]
[ mood | my teeth hurt. fux0r. ]


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storytime; [08 Jul 2002|05:55pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

dude, it would be HELLA FUCKING COOL if my sister didn't walk outside naked all the fucking time.

you don't wanna know.

No love Iost: dude?
DeathLegos: boooooo.
DeathLegos: dude.
No love Iost: i hate my little sister. like.. f'real.
DeathLegos: which? and why?
No love Iost: Savanna. because she's a fucking bitch. she's grounded from the computer, right? HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES did my sisters nark on me when i was grounded from the internet? eh?
DeathLegos: a million.
No love Iost: thanks. but she's been online ALL FUCKING DAY. and she's like 'it's none of your business.'
No love Iost: i'm about to start smacking people.
DeathLegos: dude.
DeathLegos: nark on her ass.
DeathLegos: times 129.
DeathLegos: sorry.
No love Iost: lmfao. it's funny, but i'm trying to yell at them.
DeathLegos: i was just picturing you going, "AH HADE YOOO SAAHVAANNAAAAA."
No love Iost: lmfao. that's what it sounds like.
DeathLegos: ha.
No love Iost: and the reason it's so numb?
DeathLegos: because your sister is dumb.
DeathLegos: you can blame everything on her.
No love Iost: LMFAO. no. he goes to give me shots, right? nd he does two on the top, and one on the bottom.. goes to o the last one on the bottom and i SWEAR to you that the fucking needle went through my face.
DeathLegos: rofl.
No love Iost: now i know that i can handle a tattoo. because that shit hurt. and it made this squishing noise. it was gross.
DeathLegos: it went through your face.
DeathLegos: it's all.. ":squish.: ..fuck."
DeathLegos: "what?"
DeathLegos: "uh.. nothing."
No love Iost: LMFAO. hahahaha.
No love Iost: i think i did say fuck. but it probably sounded more like 'unnnnnnnnnck.' the guy's like 'what?'
DeathLegos: lol.
No love Iost: good times.
No love Iost: omg and one more thing. this was a first for me: i was drinking milk because i thought i was about to pass out from dehydration? and it came out of my fucking nose.
DeathLegos: ROFLMAO.
DeathLegos: asduahsdasd.

1 comment|post comment

gee; [08 Jul 2002|01:49pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

it's never been so wonderful to hear all about YOUR life. think we could squeeze me in edgewise?

you don't even fucking ASK.

i'm ready to be done with this.

1 comment|post comment

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